17 July 2011

Winner Announced!

I posted the Three Bleu Birds giveaway winner on Facebook...check it out!  And if you haven't like Three Bleu Birds, do it now!  I will be doing more drawings in the future!

13 July 2011

I Felt So Dirty I'm Pretty Sure I Broke a Commandment

So, about a year ago I bought a week long unlimited pass to Planet Beach.  If you've ever had the privilege of being near me you  know that I'm so pale I'm basically clear.  I'm so clear that during church a couple of weeks ago my 4-year-old best friend Cameron, who was sitting on my lap, traced one of my blue veins up the length of my arm then with a disgusted and somewhat freaked out look on her face asked, "what's that?".  Since I don't tan in the sun (I burn) I knew it was time to cash in on my Planet Beach voucher.

Since I don't enter uber girlie shops without female backup, I went with Natalie for the Planet Beach trifecta:  a Hydro Massage, Hydro-Derma Fusion, and a Mystic Tan.

Since I don't own any bootie shorts or tank tops, you know, typical tanning salon attire, I threw on my go-to white trash outfit and psyched myself up to come home looking like a carrot.

Here's how it went:

Experience #1:  Hydro-Derma Fusion

I won't lie, I was a little freaked out when I walked in the room and saw this:
I know what you're thinking:  alien coffin. 

The attendant turned to me and said,  "ok, you're going to take everything off and lay down, and pull the shell over you.  Then put your hand through this little hole and push enter."

Me:  "take everything off?"

Attendant:  "yes, everything."

Me: "everything?"

Attendant:  "yes, everything."

Now, I'm not a huge fan of my own nakedness.  And I'm REALLY not a huge fan of my nakedness lying on a surface I know other naked people have also laid on.  But when in Rome...

So I got inside of the shell, closed the lid, opened the little hand hatch and hit the start button.  And I laid there, and waited, and waited, and waited while the vibrating coffin changed colors like a lava lamp.
After five LONG awkward minutes the vibrating pod filled with 120 degree steam.  By this point my mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts, such as,

"wow...where is the socially appropriate place to place your arms when you're totally naked in a big, vibrating, steamy, glowing pod?"

and,

"whose kinky idea was this?"

and finally,

"If I were a sex toy, I'm pretty sure this is what being a sex toy would feel like."

Not that sex toys have feelings, not that I've ever had a close encounter with a sex toy to even ask it if it has feelings...all I know is that the Hydro-Derma Fusion sure sounds like a sex toy when you describe it:  vibrating, steamy, glowing....K.I.N.K.Y.

Experience #2:  Hydro Massage

Now the hydro massage machine didn't have the same sexy appeal as the Hydro-Derma Fusion pod, which was totally comforting...AND I could keep my clothes on.  

So I crawled inside and closed the lid.

The Hydro Massage was awesome.  I mean, I've always wondered what it would be like to be in the middle of one of these:
 
 Who didn't LOVE the magical water snake as a kid?  It's slippy squishiness is rather delighful.
And being inside of it was just as magical. 

Experience #2:  Mystic Tan

Now, this was the real reason I was even at Planet Beach.  Sure, I was positive I was going to have the Ross spray tan experience, but I was psyched to leave all golden/orange brown.
The attendant gave me the tutorial, "everything is motion sensor activated, wave your hand here, get in, wave your hand there to close the door, wave your hand there and hold your breath".

Sounded easy enough.  Now, I had planned for this tan, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized, everything tanning tutorials will tell you to do.  So I waved my hand in front of the sensor, the machine replied, "door opening".

I stepped in and waved my hand over the "close door" sensor...

Nothing.

I waved again.

Nothing.

I stepped out and then back in again.  Waived and the machine lady said, "door closing".

Awesome.  I was on my way.

I waved my hand in front of the "start" sensor.

Nothing.

I waived again.

Nothing.

I frantically started waiving every senor in the machine.

Nothing.

I was stuck.  Not only would it not start, the door wouldn't open.
 
Now, I have a lot of fantasies about being rescued by a hot fireman.  But NONE of those fantasies include me standing in a spray tan machine wearing nothing but a hairnet.

The machine lady kept screaming, "please see the attendant"

To which I replied, "open the damn door and I will".

machine:  "please see the attendant"

me:  frantically waiving, "open the door!"

"please see the attendant"

more waiving and a frantic, "SERIOUSLY?!?" later the door finally opened and I got dressed in lightening speed.

The attendant offered to "air brush" me, but really?  I'd just met the girl and I really think that sort of thing should be saved until at least the 2nd visit.

So I'm just as pale...but slightly excited to go back for another round with the vibrating pod.

12 July 2011

Giveaway!

Hey everyone.  To celebrate my Etsy Shop's first week I'm giving away a custom pair of shoes from the Lori-Loo or Lori-Ann collection.  You pick the style, size, and color combo and I'll send them to you or whoever you'd like me to.  All you have to do is "like" my Three Bleu Birds' Facebook page.  Here's the link: 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Three-Bleu-Birds/125455520874847

I will post the winner of the contest Sunday July 17th in the evening.

09 July 2011

Etsy!

 After a year and a half of thinking about it, I finally opened an Etsy shop...because I totally don't have anything to do with myself.  You can check out my shop here:  Three Bleu Birds.  Whenever I'm suppose to be working or doing school work I'm usually spellbound making these:

The Lori-Ann Collection:
 


The Lori-Loo Collection
 
 
 
 

Check it out!