The Carrie Chronicle

Adventures in Vegetables: week 4

2012-01-28T17:01:00.001-06:00

This week was a giant kale fail. My friend shared some kale chips with me several months ago and I've thought about making them ever since. So, my year of adventures in vegetables seemed like the perfect opportunity to finally give them a whirl.

I bought more kale than any one person would ever need. I washed and tore it all up. Then "sprinkled it with oil". Now, I admit, this may have been where it fell apart. See, I have a deep seeded fear of oil. I hate the stuff. I hate adding it to stuff. I hate eating something I know has been covered in oil...yet I will eat oil fried french fries any day...it makes no sense, and even I don't understand it, but it's the way my mind works. You're suppose to cover the kale with oil...I may have half-heartedly sprinkled 1/2 a teaspoon on the pile and called it good.

Then I sprinkled it with salt and baked it until crisp. I was pretty excited to try them when I took them out of the oven. But instantaneously I was bowled over by the stench of rotting socks and urine. Yes, baked kale smells like rotting socks and urine. And the taste wasn't pleasant either. In fact, they were so bad that I cleaned my mouth out with some Fritos (fried in oil...there is no logic in my life).

Here's how I rate this vegetable:
Taste: D...even though it tasted like socks and urine it still beats out the eggplant
Texture: A...it was crispy, all things crispy get a thumbs up in my book
Ease of use: C+...I'm lazy
Likeliness that Carrie will eat it again: 50%

I found a new recipe for salt and vinegar kale chips. I'm thinking the vinegar might dampen the sock/urine taste and make them somewhat more edible. So, I'll probably it them again.

Adventures in Vegetables: week 3

2012-01-22T20:42:00.000-06:00

I am a potato patch kid, born and raised in the heart of Idaho. As an Idahoan I know how amazing potatoes are. You can do a bajillion things to them: mash em, rice em, au gratin' em, shred em, fry em, bake em, boil em...the list goes on and on and on. Potatoes are one of the most fawesomest foods on the planet. But God took things to a whole new level of fawesome when he took the potato and made it purple. Jimmeny Cricket it was amazing!

Here's how I rate this vegetable:
Taste: A...it's a potato. All potatoes get As.
Texture: A...once again...it's a potato
Ease of use: A+...I bought it pre cut so all I had to do was bake it.
Likeliness that Carrie will eat it again: 100%

Up next: kale

Pics of the Babies

2012-01-18T13:13:00.002-06:00

Since the possibility that I'll ever have a baby of my own is slipping away quicker than I'd like it to, I was sooooo excited to have two weeks with two babies. Two babies meant I could always be holding one while everyone else had the other one. Of course there were a couple of times when it was just me, trying to hold them both...which takes an insane amount of creativity and skill.

The oldest twin is Thomas.

He is alert and quiet and quite content to just be bundled up with his binkey. And when he's hungry he'll let you know in a civilized manner.

Then there is baby girl. Miss Emily is not quite as mellow as her bro. In fact, I heard the word "naughty" used to describe her quite often. Miss Emily is kind of particular. She hates being naked, she hates the quiet, and she LOATHES being put down. You could rock that child for an hour, think she was in the depths of REM, put her in her crib, and within a matter of seconds she would wail, as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water on her.

Yes. Baby girl is high maintenance. But between you and me, she's also my favorite...shhhhh, one shouldn't have favorite babies. But she is. I could hold her and snuggle and kiss her and squeeze her to my hearts content. And I did.

I also taught her how to make a drunk pirate face...she was a natural with that one.

I was one proud auntie.

But baby girl wasn't always perfect in my arms

In fact, at times she found me quite boring.

Other times she was content to just surf the net for new art ideas.

But mostly she just slept.

And sometimes I did too.

I loved her sweet newborn baby smell.

And listening to her whisper soft breath.

And feeling her warm little boy snuggled against mine.

I asked her several times if she knew of any babies waiting for me to be their mother.

She didn't have an answer.

So I just took it all in. Cherishing those few precious moments. Knowing it may have been the only time in my life when I would ever have the chance, the opportunity, to have a baby. If only for a couple of weeks.

No, you shouldn't have favorite babies. But I do.

Thanks Dan and Merianne for giving me such a fantastic Christmas! You'll never know how much it meant to me to have those hours with your kids.

Falling into the New Year

2012-01-16T20:46:00.000-06:00

Ok, lets see if I can blitz through the end of 2011 so we can start focusing on 2012...and hopefully keep up with it.

Whew...here we go.

First up: The Halloween Boo-Fallow Fun Run in Buffalo. Melissa Rita and I tore it up.

Meow

Look at that flashy speedy little devil

If I remember correctly Rita grabbed that kid, threw him to the ground then crossed the finish line ahead of him...ha,ha,ha

And then the walker...slow and steady in my world

So after this race I literally stopped running...for 2 months. A person my age shouldn't do that. Bad things happen...but I'm back on the running/walking wagon in 2012...yip-yip-yipee.

Fast forward to Christmas...

My best friend and her husband had twins on 11.11.11 and they graciously let me come to DC for two weeks to play sister wife and help with the babies and play with their awesome 2-year-old David. It was so fun to spend the holidays with kids (and Mer and Dan aren't too shabby themselves).

We loaded up the kids and adults and went to the mall to see Santa. Now, just because a vehicle says it sits 7, does NOT mean three of those 7 can be in car seats. Mer had to climb into the tiny little cubby of the Acura through the trunk space and sat there squished for the duration of the trip. Way to take one for your best friend...I fully enjoyed the protection of a seat belt and leg room in the front.

David was in love with the falling snow in Santa's mall house

I took an illegal pic of the Jensens ALL sitting on Santa's lap.

An early family Christmas gift arrived and of course David found the bubble wrap 150 times more exciting than the picture it wrapped.

He rolled around...an stomped...

And really put his whole head into popping that stuff.

Mer's a big spender and bought her husband a gift card to 5 Guys Burgers...I was excited to see that they serve only THE BEST potatoes in the world...straight from home.

As the third wheel I was able to go to the friends and family Christmas party. I was in charge of taking pictures of David...here's the first gift of the season he opened

He was a pretty careful opener

And then sat there quietly while everyone else opened their bear...that shoots balls out of its mouth. Sweet!

Here's Mer and sweet baby Emily

David figuring out the ball blowing bear (well that sounds dirty doesn't it)

Still figuring it out

Yep, he's aiming it at me

Christmas morning at the Jensen's house. Santa meticulously wraps ALL of the gifts. Santa even meticulously wrapped the presents I brought...you could say Santa is a little OCD when it comes to gift wrapping.

David is obsessed with trains. So of course being the aunt that bakes and likes to give gifts that cater to one's obsessions I brought David a train cake pan. He thought that was the coolest.

Also being the aunt who really wants a little boy who is obsessed with dinosaurs, I made him a super sweet dinosaur jacket. He opened it up, looked at it and in the sweetest little voice said,

"Ummmmm. No thanks. I want another present."

Dave, Merianne and I all burst out laughing and David went right on opening all of the other train themed gifts. Later that afternoon the three of us forced him to put the jacket on. Once we actually wrestled him into it, he kind of liked it. You have to admit, he is ADORABLE with spines on his back.

And there are few things cuter than a little boy and his favorite toy and blanket. Love it.

Artsy dino :D

For New Years I drove a Yarus (worst rental car EVER) to Scranton PA to spend the new year with Topher and Jillian. On the way I stopped at Gettysburg. It was amazing.

I love Abraham Lincoln....love him.

I had no idea there were gigantic boulders in the middle of PA. This is where Confederate snipers hid out and took out Union soldiers. It was a pretty amazing scene.

Rocks on rocks

This is taken from the hill across from the boulders, where the Union stood their ground to the Confederates.

The Minnesota monument...I had no idea Minnesota was even involved in the Civil War.

For my birthday I set the goal to do 36 acts of kindness. This was the first one.

We filled all of the washers and dryers with quarters. I don't think we quite reached 36, but we came really, really close. We literally ran around the city looking for good deeds to do. It was super fun and I'll definitely plan better and reach 37 good deeds on my next birthday.

One of the Scranton holiday treats is a street they block of so one of the crazy neighbors can decorate the entire road with various Christmas scenes. This one was my favorite. The elves doing surgery on Santa.

The live ducks were also a treat at the nativity.

Here's the three of us...you can tell we partied really hard and rang in the new year with lots of excitement. Topher can barely keep his eyes open.

I totally didn't take as many pics of the babies as I anticipated. Who knew those little critters could be so time consuming. Jeepers. The feeding, diapering, and burping just never stopped. But I did get this candid shot of Thomas getting a bath...I love the "oh no you didn't" look on his face.

Here's baby girl Emily...gearing up to scream. She's a girl after my own heart that one.

I have more pictures of the babies...I'll post them later.

I had a fantastic time with Mer and her little tribe. It was a great way to finish out 2011. Now, on to 2012.

Adventures in Vegetables: week 2

2012-01-12T20:23:00.002-06:00

Ok, so this isn't a new vegetable either...but I'll tell you what is new: the basket I steamed it in. While visiting my friend in DC she made butternut squash and it was awesome. So, while cruising Costco on a Saturday afternoon (not for the faint of heart) I found a huge container of cubed butternut for only four dollars. Four dollars for lazy proof vegetables? Yes please! Well I threw that in my cart...along with 4 heads of romaine lettuce (that makes me gag every time I think about eating them), and headed to Target to buy a steaming basket.

Since I like to keep it simple when it comes to cooking (simple/lazy...same dif) I threw that cubed squash in the steaming basket, steamed it, spritzed it with some of that easy-peasy spritz butter spray, sprinkled it with cinnamon and brown sugar, mixed it with some quinoa and ate my super hardy complete protein meal. In hindsight I should have skipped the cinnamon and quinoa and just stayed true to my love of butter and sugar. But overall, I was pleased.

Here's how I rate this vegetable:
Taste: A...I won't lie, I ate some of the leftovers cold...for breakfast...mmmmm
Texture: A...creamy dreamy
Ease of use: A+...Costco took the work out of this one
Likeliness that Carrie will eat it again: 100%

And a short Jicama update: I only ate 1/2 of it, the other 1/2 ended up molding in my fridge before I finished it...the fate seen by most of the vegetables I purchase. Vegetables just aren't single person friendly foods...now Twinkies on the other hand...

MENstration

2012-01-10T23:45:00.000-06:00

The title was a warning...so heed it guys...because some things can't be unread.

Ok ladies.

I realize as I get older my boundaries about sharing personal information have started to get a little fuzzier than they use to be. I'm pretty sure by the time I'm in my 60's I'll be sitting around the Christmas tree with my group of friends at the retirement ranch discussing hemorrhoid treatments and the negative effects of having had my uterus ripped out in some menopausal hysterectomy episode. I know that is my future because I was witness to that exact environment Christmas 2010 when I visited my parents in Arizona. It's a fact we must accept: older ladies think you want to know about their private bodily functions...well, older ladies and your lactating best friend.

I spent Christmas 2011 with my lactating best friend. She's currently feeding twins and after 2 weeks being submerged in breast pump hell I can honestly say I had NO IDEA how totally and completely disgusting the female body is.

Now, we can, all six billion of us on this planet, admit that the female body is curvy beautiful and lady parts are a helluva lot more attractive than the train wreck men proudly lug around in their pants. True fact. But what men don't have to deal with is the surprising grodieness of living in a body that can morph into a baby making/feeding factory. The horror of it all is mind boggling. Don't even get me started on the depth of fear I felt when I saw what a breast pump can do to once normal size nips. JUMBO GUMDROPS people, JUMBO. Eeeeek! I almost passed out. It's just not right.

It's totally gross being female. The first time the crimson tide came rolling in for me was the night before seventh grade started. As if being an awkward adolescent with a perm wasn't bad enough. Adding a bulky pad and menstrual cramps was the icing on the bloody cake. Gross. So in 2000 when I attended a conference where the most saintly OBGYN spoke about "the egg of the month club" and how it was possible to "turn your period off", I ran, not walked, to his office for a consult and a life time supply of magical pills. I can say with pride that I did not have a period for eleven years. Eleven BLESSED and pain free years.

But then Christmas 2011 rolled around and I totally forgot to take the magic pills...so of course, 10 minutes before I was to board my plane the crimson came rolling back in. It took me a really, really long time to figure out what was going on. When it finally clicked in my head I felt like I was reliving that horrid moment when my mom, with tears in her eyes said, "welcome to womanhood". SCREW WOMANHOOD! If losing a quart of blood every month is what it takes to be in womanhood then I want nothing to do with it. Unfortunately I had no choice. I was at Reagan Airport, with out a cotton boyfriend or surfboard with wings. The crimson had arrived and there was nothing I could do about it...see, they don't sell feminine hygiene products at Reagan Airport. So I rode home on a plane and a prayer that nothing seriously damaging would happen. I made it.

Once home I dug through my first aid supplies for the cotton boyfriends and surfboards with wings I had stockpiled (in case I ever had a severe bloody nose or the need for an unusually large band-aid). Those supplies quickly ran out. Which meant I had to go to the store.

Painful. I avoided that feminine product aisle like the plague as a teenager and young adult, and I felt just as embarrassed walking into it at age 36. But here's the problem with taking an eleven year break from "womanhood"...technology just keeps chugging along. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. Tampons now have positive energy sayings on the wrappers and expand like flowers once you insert them into your vagina. Flowers folks. And maxi pads...what in the hell happened there? I was around for the wing revolution of the late 80's, but when did they start adding breathing vents and high tech wicking material usually only found on Olympic athletes? What's with the new shape? They look like something I'd put in my shoes. And WHAT IS WITH the homemade pad craze? I mean SERIOUSLY? Do people honestly wear handmade, blood appliqued pads that come with bonus suggestions like, "I like to use the blood-water created when soaking my pads to water my garden. It's a great fertilizer!"

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR MARTHA! Put the sewing machine down and back away from the table.

You know ladies. We could stop this madness. We could all take those beautiful little magic pills and never have to choose between "pearl and plastic" or "glossy cardboard" applicators. We could give engineers the opportunity to stop putting their time and energy into making aerodynamic pads that can absorb Lake Michigan. We can live period and pain free.

It's possible.
It's beautiful.
And in my mind, it's the way God intended it to be.
Thus I choose to be period free.

God bless America.

Adventures in Vegetables: week 1

2012-01-07T16:21:00.000-06:00

So, my 2012 goal is to try one "new" vegetable a week. I don't really eat vegetables, mostly because I think they taste like dirt and I have no idea how to cook them. I've always just eaten them naked and raw, or boiled and mushy. They have a high yuck factor. But this year I'm going to broaden my horizons and search out new and exciting vegetables...and recipes...and learn how to love vegetables and all of the nutritional goodness.

This week's vegetable: Pachyrhizus erosus, or the Jicama.

Now, to be truly honest, I've had Jicama before, but this time I actually bought one and ate it. The Jicama is a sweet, crisp, crunchy, carb of a tuber that you just peel and devour. I sliced it up and ate it with a buffalo chicken concoction threw together.

Here's how I rate this vegetable:
Taste: A-...I could still sense some dirt
Texture: A...I love things that go crunch
Ease of use: A-...I had to wash and cut it...I hate cutting things.
Likeliness that Carrie will eat it again: 100%

Yea for week one's vegetable...goooooo Jicama!

Thirty-Sex

2011-12-31T17:16:00.000-06:00

It's only been a few hours but 36 is already a million times better than 35. I don't have pink eye, I don't have a hacker's cough, I don't even have a hint of a cold. I think this is the first time I haven't been ill on my birthday in five years, and I'm taking that as a sign of good things to come.

Thirty-dive, as I like to call it, was full of too many expectations and disappointments. I decided in my late 20s that if I were 35 and still single I was going to take myself out in a flame of base jumping glory. That would have happened but I was too depressed about life's disappointments to do much of anything. But not with 36. There are no expectations or "coulda", "shoulda", "wouldas" with 36. It's just a number in my book.

Thirty-dive can be summed up by one glorious experience: you can read it in details here. Thirty-dive was EXACTLY like being hit by a car, dragged across the parking lot, then left to die as it drove on. So, so bad, yet ironically funny.

I am so thankful I never have to be 35 ever again.

Welcome 36!

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good-bye!

2011-12-30T08:00:00.003-06:00

You know when you start a new year off quarantined in a basement with pink eye that it's going to be a downhill doozer...and it kind of was. So, today is my last day of being thirty-frikin'-five and I am hap-hap-happy to see it go!

Moving on into Fall

2011-12-18T20:39:00.002-06:00

So Summer ended and Fall began, and by "Fall" I mean the semester started. I celebrated by going to my favorite apple orchard. Oh how I love apple orchards.

And uber large watermelons, I also love uber large watermelons

And pumpkins the size of elephants.

How can one NOT be happy around jumbo produce? I mean really?

If I were a pumpkin I'd be this one:

Warty and totally inedible.

Although I was also drawn to this poor confused critter as well:

Merna also took me to a grape stomping party...unfortunately the harvest was kind of sparse and there wasn't a lot to stomp. I loved it anyway.

Since I'm a super serious doctoral student who spends every waking minute trying to get ahead of the academic curve I signed up for the "Great Gopher Adventure Race"...because spending 8 hours running around campus with 300 undergrad students doing insane feats of strength and force is exactly what serious doctoral students do.

I was lucky enough to drag Kit (she really is a serious doctoral student) with me for the fun. I thought we'd pound the race out in a couple of hours...but when they say it's going to take 8 hours, they weren't kidding.

We were Team Steve...named for our program director. We wore our official Gopher gear and had buttons with Larry the Catfish on them (guess he's the mascot for the Mississippi). A sweet park ranger helped us make the buttons, and let me tell you, we wore them with pride as we ran across three campuses doing things like lugging canoes, rappelling off of buildings (ok, Kit did the rappelling...she's a champ for that)

We played basketball in wheelchairs, ate Popsicles, climbed walls (after 5 minutes of hard core rowing...made for weak arms), fenced,

Identified plants, solved puzzles, and rolled through burr covered bushes

We didn't finish first, but we also didn't finish last.

And at this point in the academic game, that's all that matters :D

This was one of the highlights of my day:

I heart witty advertising...the kind that can only be found in a bathroom stall :D

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Siete

2011-12-15T21:37:00.000-06:00

Ragnar

I hated Ragnar 2010. After stroking out 3 miles in to my first run last year I pretty much decided I would never run again. So it makes total sense that I signed up for Ragnar 2011...as the team captain. Meaning I was in charge of putting the team together and getting everything organized. I have no idea why I do the things I do, but I keep doing them.

So, team The Pace is Right hit the pavement and ran, and ran, and ran until we completed those 200 miles. It was HOT (but not as hot as last year), and there were a bajillion hills, but I didn't stroke out! I conquered that biznatch of a hill that took me out last year. Oh sure, I was super dooper slow but no one had to drag me off of the course and run for me. Twhoot!

Here's some pics...I was a seriously bad historian this year, so most of these are stolen. But here's the first 1/2 of the team:

They were fasty-mc-faster-sons.

I blame their speed on their mass consumption of pickle juice (Melissa luuuuved the pickle juice)

Melissa also loved running

Probably because she was chasing this guy

Here's the second 1/2 of the team...we ran in the heat of the heat and in the dead of the night...so we weren't pensive...we were sleeping while sitting up

I <3 Matt and his need to climb things

We had sweet The Pace is Right shirts. And Natalie and I confessed our love for the one and only Barker.

Natalie's last leg

Matt...too, too excited for his last leg. The guy who left right after Matt was a total jack-wagon and was snotty to Matt...so of course Matt smoked him. Great moment in sports.

Kit's last leg

A random shopping cart in the Mississippi

Matt had a slight attack of tachycardia after his last run. He was just trying to cool off, but everyone who drove by thought I'd hit him. The chalk outline didn't convinced them otherwise.

Derek's last run

The water they give you on the course...seriously yuck

Amber showing off her awesome balancing skills

Amber's last run

At the finish line where they called "Come on down, it's The Pace is Right" when we crossed the finish line.

What a great team! Loved everyone!

Eleven. Eleven. Eleven

2011-11-11T08:11:00.000-06:00

Today my bestie Merianne is having TWINS! Oh sure, she wanted to have them yesterday, but she caved to the peer pressure and postponed them until today. Trooper that girl is, trooper.

SO EXCITED! I love crying tears of joy for someone else!

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Seis

2011-10-27T09:40:00.000-05:00

One of the greatest parts about having a friend who is a photographer is she's willing to barter. So while I was home Koug from Kristy Mayes Photography spent an afternoon with me...and the grossest house on the planet, taking pics. The fabulous Amy, who is a makeup extraordinaire, made me pretty and off we went.

Koug really does work wonders.

I won't lie, I love the rapper coat/face

Thanks Kristy for the pics!!!! and for the mold I inhaled while traipsing around that nasty house!

If you're in the SLC area and need some personal, private, or family pics done, I highly recommend Kristy Mayes Photography...message me and I'll send you her deets.

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Cinco

2011-10-20T09:22:00.000-05:00

Christopher and Jillian journeyed to Utah to be sealed. Since this was Jillian's first time in Utah we started at the center: Temple Square.

I love temple square, the flowers are perfect.

The reflecting pond is spectacular.

The architecture is awesome.

The building are great outside and in.

And of course Christopher and Jillian were adorable.

Christopher and Jillian were sealed in the Logan temple. Lori and I were in charge of the cake. While at Costco we realized that Jillian didn't have a bouquet, and every bride needs a bouquet. So we bought some flowers and came up with this in the car. We are very resourceful ladies.

After the ceremony...they're so cute.

The family photo. We told the parents to savor the moment because it may be the one and only family photo in front of a temple.

Lots of friends and family were able to celebrate with them. It was a great day!

For my final Utah hurrah, Lori and I took a tour of Kenecott Mine...the largest open pit mine in the world. It's crazy huge!

I was most intrigued by the gigantic trucks with their enormous tires.

My inner 4-year-old was in heaven with the mechanics of it all.

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Quatro

2011-09-29T19:55:00.000-05:00

UTAH!

As much as I make fun of it, it continues to call me back. I love, love, love the mountain. And I love, love, love being in the mountains with friends.

Dave is crazy amazing at outdoor cooking...

And my FAVORITE little Boston was there. We hiked up and down the hill looking for volcanic rock. And he couldn't stop sharing his candy (except the blue ones, blue is his best color, he kept those).

Oh how I love this kid.

I also love toasted coconut marshmallows....mmmmmmmm

One of the highlights of my Utah visit was the Up! house. A builder recreated it and I went to the open house. They even had the little man sitting outside and a little Asian boyscout wandering around. So CUTE!

If I had $400,000 I would totally buy this place, and I'd leave the mail box as is

They even recreated the furniture in the living room

And the mural

Carl & Ellie's photos were everywhere....so sweet

KITCHEN LOVE!!!! Seriously, even the microwave is adorable!

The sweetest nursery ever

Even the laundry room was to die for

TEAL! Yea!!!

They had the movie playing downstairs. I stood there and cried...oh to be in love and to share your life with someone they way Carl and Ellie did. So, so sweet.

Master bedroom.

AHHHHHHH!!!!! Totally want!

Love.

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Tres

2011-09-22T21:11:00.001-05:00

Being someone's bestie means that sometimes you have special duties. One of those duties is to go to Girls Camp when your bestie asks you to be her backup. Somehow she worked it so I was the assistant camp craft director. That's right, camp crafts. Me, 8 cans of spray paint and 100+ teenagers in sweltering heat and humidity equals one wild and crazy good time.

*note...I have no idea why I'm often missing legs in photos...it's creepy.

Natalie was the real rock star of the camp...the real stressed out/under appreciated/ over worked rock star.

As part of the camp craft director privileges I was able to hop from camp to camp to sample all of the crazy camp food...I have no idea what this was, but I ate it...and then got ill...surprise, surprise.

After several days of camp I needed a break from all things Minnesota...so I went to my place of zen: Oregon.

Oh how I LOVE Oregon. I can breathe there. My heart is light there. I laugh there. And I always have so, so, so much fun.

A trip to Oregon isn't complete without a trip to Florence, my favorite coastal town. I love Florence because it's full of randomness. Like these:

What, you ask, are you to look at? How about those two large ziplock bags full of water stapled over the doorway. Why are there bags of water stapled above the door? I have no idea.

Florence is also the place where your kids can get tramp stamps out of a machine...so classy.

No trip to Florence is complete without a trip to Mo's with Sue and Sam (we LOVE Mo's!)

Florence is also concerned about the safety of those who visit. Thus they provide free life vests for kids of all sizes. (Look how adorable Sam and baby bump are!)

And don't forget that Florence is the place where BJ's ice cream shop is next to the Wood Wizard...oh the dirty irony of that!

After we ate our weight in Mo's goodness we headed to the ocean...I LOVE the ocean.

I love Sam and Sue and the ocean.

And the crazy slimy green stuff that grows on the rocks.

Breathtaking

And uh....breathtaking?

Love this clam!...well, love his shell, may he rest in peace

Mmmmmm BJ's...everyone loooooooves BJ's

Best blackberry revel EVER!

In addition to Florence field trips and clam chowder and oodles and oodles of fun and laughter, I also learned the art of the blow gun...because that's what the Pabst family does when Bradley comes home to play. I love every element of this picture...

Then it was my turn...

And boy was I bad. So bad I lost the dart. How someone can lose a dart with a bright orange tip is beyond me. But I did...go me.

Brad however was FAMAZING!

The guy has blow dart skills!

I love Oregon! ALL things Oregon!

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Dos

2011-09-18T14:55:00.001-05:00

Natalie and I took a Saturday field trip to Stillwater Minn (of course it was for the chocolate malts there...it always evolves around food). Stillwater is on the Minn/Wis border and is one of my favorite just-outta-the-city locations. We found a fantastic store that only sells olive oil and balsamic vinegars...who knew they came in like 50 different flavors! It was amazing...but not as amazing as this gem we found in an antique store:

I think being a deer would pretty much suck. I mean the entire world is basically against you and chances are things are not going to end well. I think being a deer that was taxidermied would suck even more. But being a deer who was taxidermied into a coat rack would be the suckiest suck of all sucks! I hope this critter goes totally ape shiz on resurrection day and kicks whoever did this to him. Poor thing.

Speaking of Wisconsin, they are die hard believers in fractions, I mean, whole numbers are so overrated.

So this year's big race was Grandma's Marathon. It's an amazing 26.2 miles that follows the North Shore of Lake Superior to Duluth. It's no secret that I loath running, LOATH. But I keep signing up for races. Unfortunately my lack-of-training peaked in April when I started to develop a stress fracture in my foot and could barely stand, let alone walk. The doctor told me to stop training for at least a month (didn't have to twist my arm there) and to pull out of the race if I felt pain (yeah right, I start a race, I finish a race).

Of course I didn't check the weather report before we headed up to Duluth which meant a late night stop at Target for some super sweet leggings and long socks (which I hacked apart with some medical scissors and turned into arm warmers). I was looking pretty darn amazing:

Natalie looked equally as sweet...but all of the pictures of her are on her camera.

We hopped on the bus to head to the starting line during a torrential downpour, nothing like running a marathon in a hurricane. We were lucky enough to grab two of the last ponchos that Target had (looks like more than just Natalie and I weren't prepared for the weather)

We sat in the wheel chair accessible, old man with a cane row of the bus

The race started out AWESOME. As soon as we got off the bus the rain turned into a lovely little drizzle. It was cool and cloudy and I was running with a sweet group of peeps. Around mile six I started to feel like I usually do around mile 20: light headed, slightly dizzy, and like I'm about to hallucinate. At that moment I decided I shouldn't have spent the week prior to the race on a calorie restricting diet...and I should have eaten more than 1/2 a bagel before starting out.

By mile 10 I was convincing myself to not just lay down and sleep...I guess skipping sleep for a week to 300 cupcakes for a wedding wasn't the greatest idea.

During mile 11 I started to feel a slight tinge of pain in my stress fractured foot. I swore in my head that it was nothing. By mile 12 the pain was only getting worse. During mile 13 I broke into tears and realized that I needed to pull out before I did some serious damage, the visual of a snapping metatarsal overpowered my pride to finish. I was so sad and mad and just plain upset. I finish races. I may be gimping across the finish line by the end, but I finish. This is the first race I've ever pulled out of, for any reason.

I'm officially a quitter :(

Natalie finished with a personal best and did AMAZING (as always)...at least I don't hang out with quitters

I had a pleasant surprise visit from my favorite girl Sarah, her husband, and little monster.

I love monster, and monster was loving Snoopy

At the end of July I found myself at another race, The Warrior Dash. My roommate Melissa decided back in January that we needed to do this race. I couldn't let her do it alone so I signed up and off we went. The Warrior Dash is a race that incorporates running hills (locals call them mountains) and random obstacles like walls, barbed wire, fire, ropes, and mud. The weather was perfect when we started:

I'm pretty sure Melissa was checking out some dude in a Vikings helmet.

The race was awesome and I discovered that I really, reaLLY, REALLY LOVE swimming through mud under barbed wire. If it wasn't such a health hazard I'd build a mud pit in my back yard and swim in it every morning (I'm fairly certain I was a pig in a previous life).

Happiness really is being covered in mud

Up next...Part Tres: Home

Massage Envy

2011-09-11T01:42:00.000-05:00

(I would like to dedicate this photo to Merianne)

About a year ago I was convinced that buying a membership at Massage Envy was the right thing to do...of course at the time I had just had a massage and was weakened by the dim lighting and hopped up on post-massage "sure, whatev's". Since then I have lagged behind on my monthly massages. So, seeing that I have approximately 6 days before my membership expires I decided that it was time to cram 1/2 a years worth of massages in. So tonight I went in for a 90-minute rub down.

Tonight's therapis's name is the same as the only automobile manufacture ever purchased with taxpayer dollars by a US president...let me clarify that...the only automobile manufacturer every purchased with taxpayer dollars EVER...we didn't bail Duesenberg out during the Great Depression why did we bail...wait...I'm off topic. Anyway I'm fairly certain that therapist "whose name rhymes with heavy" is the former president of the International Association of Dungeons and Dragon Enthusiasts. Which was spectacular because I'm pretty sure that it's NOT against a church rule to have a socially awkward straight guy touch you while you're naked. I can assume that he's straight because I was not even remotely attracted to him..that's generally a pretty good sign.

Now there are a few things I consider in depth every time I get a massage:
1. Full leg shave or just to the knee?
2. Black or colored underwear?
3. Fruity or flowery body spray?

And the thing I fret about the most: how do I comfortably lay on my boobs for an hour without them going numb. I assume many of you have never considered that this could be a HUGE problem, but it is. See, I inherited two very obvious things from my mother: a razor sharp wit, and more boobs than a single person will ever need. I've learned how to manage them in most situations but massages always complicates things. For instance, if I lay on them wrong they hurt. And it's really difficult to nonchalantly reposition your boob(s) in the middle of a massage. Also, the fact that I'm laying on them at all just makes my upper back seem a lot more hunchback than it really is. And I have more than a handful (not that anyone is checking ) of extra boobage, which means when I'm laying down parts of the girls squish out the sides.

Boobs. What to do with them? Well I'll tell you what I do with them...after the therapist leaves I'll frantically rip my clothes off and crawl under the sheet...then I'll spend every last second before the therapist knocks on the door to come in positioning and repositioning them until I think I have them situated. This generally goes something like this: rise into an armless cobra pose, slowly lower upper body towards the table, pray that both boobs are symmetrically positioned below your body...quickly raise back into an armless cobra pose because inevitably one was squished towards your chin while the other was bulging out towards your left arm...then repeat...again...and again...and again.

It's A LOT of work to get those suckers lined up just right, and you want to get them right because as soon as the knock on the door comes you're stuck in whatever face down position you happened to be in. It's sort of like musical chairs only you're the only player and no matter what you do, you're going to lose.

Boobs...my longest running love/hate relationship.

Sum-Sum-Summertime: Part Uno

2011-09-05T20:09:00.001-05:00

I'd like to say that I've been too busy to blog...but the truth is I've have very little inspiration or funniness to share. But I do have some pictures (well, the ones that made it off of my camera before I lost my camera cord). Here's a bit of what I did this Summer....what I did not do is write the big-ass paper I was suppose to write...whoopsie! Looks like someone is going to be on academic probation ;)

The week after Tollian's wedding the rents came through the Minn and spent a few days with me. Of course I showed them some of my favorite parts of the Sota.

First stop the Como Conservatory (the hydrangeas were in full bloom and beautiful!!!)

Dad & me

Mum & dad

More hydrangeas

And my favorite lily pads!

Mum & I...and hydrangeas

And flamingos...which I learned that my father does not like. Unfortunately my camera died right after this picture so I wasn't able to get a photo of the ADORABLE baby mini-monkey with the mustache that was chilling on his daddy's back...so super cute (my father really liked them)

Next stop: An evening with Merna and Ed on their beautiful farm by the lake. You didn't have to ask my mum twice if she wanted to go horse back riding. She was a natural! I don't think I've ever seen that lady on a horse. It was awesome.

The week after the rents left I made a wedding cake for my beautiful sister from another mister Melissa. She and her Man Bear got married in Vegas last October and then had a wedding luau celebration in May. It was so, so Melissa. The weather on the other hand was so, so tropical storm...rather fitting when you throw a tropical themed party.

Favorite cake for my favorite girl!

Early June Natalie and I decided to take a random road trip to The Northwest Angle. The NWA is the northern most part on the lower 45. In order to get to the NWA you have to leave the US, enter Canada, then leave Canada and drive back to the US. Once you hit the US you're greeted with this:

That my friends is customs. Depending on if you're entering the US or going back to Canada you pick the appropriate button. You're then routed to the appropriate country where you answer oodles of questions and then go on your merry way. Our "merry way" led us to this:

Water. Lots and lots of water and nothing else. No hiking trails. No fun restaurants. Nothing. So after 30 minutes we returned to the country box (it's an actual box...see below) and asked Canada to let us back in...which they did no problem.

The greatest part about the NWA is the US/Canada border. There is an actual line. I don't know which country pays to have that sucker mowed, but they do a mighty fine job. They also have a super awesome silver post that says "United States" on one side and "Canada" on the other. Love it! Not every day you get to stand in two countries at the same time.

I've always wanted to make a break for the border and zig-zag from country to country. So that's exactly what I did...unfortunately the photo op didn't capture how amazing it was...I just look stupid.

Question: How many times can one cross the boarder in a 3 hour time period before they get detained by US Boarder Guards? Uh, that would be three...the fourth time will get you an hour INSIDE the crossing building with three guards asking you oodles of questions about your life and why it is you've crossed the boarder four times in three hours, while another series of boarder guards strip searches your car. The guards honestly didn't believe that we were just two girls out on a random road trip with no destination or purpose. At one point we told the guards that if they wanted some AWESOME homemade bread that they should stop at this little no-name town and eat breakfast at The Grainy. They looked at us like we were full of it. A few minutes later the car stripping guard walked in and asks with a quizzical look on his face, "uh, ladies, is that a loaf of homemade bread in your backseat?". To which the rest of the guards looked at us and said, "seriously? You just drive around with no plan?". Natalie and I smiled and answered with a collective "yes". We then spent the last 45 minutes getting tips on great places to see in Northern Minnesota...and they told us to stop boarder hopping :(

On our way to secret suggestion #1 we ran across Walley the Walleye...Minnesota LOVES their big tacky roadside animals.

Some lake I don't remember the name of...one of the 10,000

The guards suggested we eat here

And what a great suggestion! The nachos were DREAMY! And they had a giant gopher outfront (which matched the gopher on my shirt...I'm so golden)

Up next: Carrie the quitter & mud swimming.

Proof of the Puff

2011-08-05T12:35:00.001-05:00

And here's the first picture of the ball...with a baby

If you're dying to make one let me know and I'll send you instructions

Topher + Jillian = Tollian

2011-08-02T16:54:00.000-05:00

This poor blog is so neglected. I have many an adventure to blog about...I just don't have the "umph" to do it. So...as is the pattern for 2011, I'll post about what happened three months ago...starting with Christoper and Jillian's wedding.

Tollian were married in Scranton Pennsylvania (home to Dunder Mifflin) and near the famed Mormon site on the bank of the Susquehanna River. Lori, Dave, and I escaped there for a bit of site seeing. This is what we saw...

A cemetery:

The river bank:

And each other:

After our field trip we headed to the rehearsal. Mormons aren't use to wedding rehearsals so it was quite the experience for the Hanson clan

Ringo wanted to be in the wedding (he even dressed for the occasion) but alas, his statue-like skills were booted out of the line.

On the day of the wedding the bride's family and all of the bridesmaids loaded up in a huge party bus. Jillian's brothers, Kyle and Cory, had to have a few cold ones before they felt comfortable in those tuxedos.

Of course it was drizzling on the day of the wedding, which made the bridesmaid dresses look less lime Popsicle and more "early spring green".

The ceremony was awesome

And Topher looked so happy...

As did lucky man Kyle...but not for the same reasons.

Dave earned the MVP for the week. He literally saved the Hansons from catastrophe more than once. I think we'll adopt him and bring him to every family function.

The rents were estatic

And we were freezing

But we looked good

Well...most of the time

Topher couldn't take his eyes off of his bride

I couldn't keep my eyes off of their cake

Or the beautiful flowers

Lori and I are super excited to have another sister. We've already informed her that we'll let her be in charge of our parents once they reach the stage when they need someone in charge of them. She accepted with a smile.

Here we are reveling in the fact that Jillian will take the rents (tee-hee, we still love you parent!)

The MVP and me

FINALLY they cut into that cake and it tasted as good as it looked

After several hours Topher and Jillian loaded up and left the party...

And then they came back because Jillian couldn't find her make up bag. In fact, no one could find her makeup bag...so she did what any bride on her wedding day would do. She headed to Walgreen's in her wedding dress and restocked.

It was a fabulous day and a fabulous trip. In spite of Topher's anxiety, the Hansons got along famously with the Ceccis.

Now...all we need is two more weddings, no funerals and a lottery winning!

Winner Announced!

2011-07-17T17:35:00.000-05:00

I posted the Three Bleu Birds giveaway winner on Facebook...check it out! And if you haven't like Three Bleu Birds, do it now! I will be doing more drawings in the future!

I Felt So Dirty I'm Pretty Sure I Broke a Commandment

2011-07-13T22:49:00.001-05:00

So, about a year ago I bought a week long unlimited pass to Planet Beach. If you've ever had the privilege of being near me you know that I'm so pale I'm basically clear. I'm so clear that during church a couple of weeks ago my 4-year-old best friend Cameron, who was sitting on my lap, traced one of my blue veins up the length of my arm then with a disgusted and somewhat freaked out look on her face asked, "what's that?". Since I don't tan in the sun (I burn) I knew it was time to cash in on my Planet Beach voucher.

Since I don't enter uber girlie shops without female backup, I went with Natalie for the Planet Beach trifecta: a Hydro Massage, Hydro-Derma Fusion, and a Mystic Tan.

Since I don't own any bootie shorts or tank tops, you know, typical tanning salon attire, I threw on my go-to white trash outfit and psyched myself up to come home looking like a carrot.

Here's how it went:

Experience #1: Hydro-Derma Fusion

I won't lie, I was a little freaked out when I walked in the room and saw this:

I know what you're thinking: alien coffin.

The attendant turned to me and said, "ok, you're going to take everything off and lay down, and pull the shell over you. Then put your hand through this little hole and push enter."

Me: "take everything off?"

Attendant: "yes, everything."

Me: "everything?"

Attendant: "yes, everything."

Now, I'm not a huge fan of my own nakedness. And I'm REALLY not a huge fan of my nakedness lying on a surface I know other naked people have also laid on. But when in Rome...

So I got inside of the shell, closed the lid, opened the little hand hatch and hit the start button. And I laid there, and waited, and waited, and waited while the vibrating coffin changed colors like a lava lamp.

After five LONG awkward minutes the vibrating pod filled with 120 degree steam. By this point my mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts, such as,

"wow...where is the socially appropriate place to place your arms when you're totally naked in a big, vibrating, steamy, glowing pod?"

and,

"whose kinky idea was this?"

and finally,

"If I were a sex toy, I'm pretty sure this is what being a sex toy would feel like."

Not that sex toys have feelings, not that I've ever had a close encounter with a sex toy to even ask it if it has feelings...all I know is that the Hydro-Derma Fusion sure sounds like a sex toy when you describe it: vibrating, steamy, glowing....K.I.N.K.Y.

Experience #2: Hydro Massage

Now the hydro massage machine didn't have the same sexy appeal as the Hydro-Derma Fusion pod, which was totally comforting...AND I could keep my clothes on.

So I crawled inside and closed the lid.

The Hydro Massage was awesome. I mean, I've always wondered what it would be like to be in the middle of one of these:

Who didn't LOVE the magical water snake as a kid? It's slippy squishiness is rather delighful.

And being inside of it was just as magical.

Experience #2: Mystic Tan

Now, this was the real reason I was even at Planet Beach. Sure, I was positive I was going to have the Ross spray tan experience, but I was psyched to leave all golden/orange brown.

The attendant gave me the tutorial, "everything is motion sensor activated, wave your hand here, get in, wave your hand there to close the door, wave your hand there and hold your breath".

Sounded easy enough. Now, I had planned for this tan, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized, everything tanning tutorials will tell you to do. So I waved my hand in front of the sensor, the machine replied, "door opening".

I stepped in and waved my hand over the "close door" sensor...

Nothing.

I waved again.

Nothing.

I stepped out and then back in again. Waived and the machine lady said, "door closing".

Awesome. I was on my way.

I waved my hand in front of the "start" sensor.

Nothing.

I waived again.

Nothing.

I frantically started waiving every senor in the machine.

Nothing.

I was stuck. Not only would it not start, the door wouldn't open.

Now, I have a lot of fantasies about being rescued by a hot fireman. But NONE of those fantasies include me standing in a spray tan machine wearing nothing but a hairnet.

The machine lady kept screaming, "please see the attendant"

To which I replied, "open the damn door and I will".

machine: "please see the attendant"

me: frantically waiving, "open the door!"

"please see the attendant"

more waiving and a frantic, "SERIOUSLY?!?" later the door finally opened and I got dressed in lightening speed.

The attendant offered to "air brush" me, but really? I'd just met the girl and I really think that sort of thing should be saved until at least the 2nd visit.

So I'm just as pale...but slightly excited to go back for another round with the vibrating pod.

Giveaway!

2011-07-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone. To celebrate my Etsy Shop's first week I'm giving away a custom pair of shoes from the Lori-Loo or Lori-Ann collection. You pick the style, size, and color combo and I'll send them to you or whoever you'd like me to. All you have to do is "like" my Three Bleu Birds' Facebook page. Here's the link:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Three-Bleu-Birds/125455520874847

I will post the winner of the contest Sunday July 17th in the evening.

Etsy!

2011-07-09T21:56:00.001-05:00

After a year and a half of thinking about it, I finally opened an Etsy shop...because I totally don't have anything to do with myself. You can check out my shop here: Three Bleu Birds. Whenever I'm suppose to be working or doing school work I'm usually spellbound making these:

The Lori-Ann Collection:

The Lori-Loo Collection

Check it out!

Christmas!

2011-06-28T22:41:00.000-05:00

So today, while blitzing down the freeway eating a Rolo McFlurry (death by caramel) I realized that I never shared my famazing Christmas stories. So, for my die hard readers, here's the low down:

Lori and I decided to be the adult children parents everywhere dream of. We drove 12 hours from the SLUT to Quartzite AZ. Quartzite is what I like to call a Retirement Ranch where people go to make things out of seashells and wait for death.

The closer you get to AZ the more amazing the sky gets

And the more desolate the landscape gets

The Rents were totally surprised (ok, mom was surprised, dad knew we were coming).

My parents are notorious for throwing awesome Christmas Eve parties. And considering they're the popular kids on the retirement ranch they had a huge shin-dig planned. Lori and I sat across from each other in their great room and texted each other while the adults had this conversation:

lady 1: "so, does anyone know where the ambulance went this morning?"
man 1: "lot 53"
lady 2: "I heard she had a heart attack"
my father: "well, there goes another place up for sale"
lady 1: "you know it's bad when they don't run the siren"
man 2: "I rode in an ambulance once"
lady 2: "oh yea, I was on lifeflight"

this conversation escalated until everyone was trying to outdo each other's medical issues...

lady 1: "ever since I had my hysterectomy I pee when I sneeze"
man 2: "what's in this bean salad?"
lady 2: "I hate Medicare"
man 1: "I went to Mexico to have my bunions removed."

It really was surreal. Lori and I just sat there in horror, knowing that eventually we'd be the ones wearing support socks and orthopedic shoes under our highly flammable polyester elastic waist pants. And that life would eventually evolve around medical issues.

the conversation continued...

lady 1 to lady 2: "they just changed my heart medication and now I get the worst hot flashes"

it was about this time that Lori snapped and nonchalantly said, "Shit happens" as she popped a chip in her mouth.

The tone of the party took a slight turn at that point...

Christmas day was full of rip-roaring desert exploring (that's what people do on the retirement ranch). Uncle Dick let Lori and I ride take his 4-wheeler for a ride

While the Rents got in their mega wheeler thingy and Uncle D kicked it in the jeep (pansy)

It's amazing what bored people can do with some plastic cups and some Christmas lights

Mom

We went baha-ing in the desert to look for crystals and meteorites...or something like that

All we found were oodles of cacti

and lots of heat

and more cacti

and lots of rocks

but no crystals

just cacti (are you getting the point of how awesome this day was?)

But we DID find a prehistoric footprint in the rock

I took pictures of Lori's ass

And she took pictures of mine

Because that's what sisters do

Then Lori went climbing like a spider monkey

and did I (trying to show off for Hot Rock Climber Guy back home)

We took some family photos

And held hands for who knows hell why

Then we took more tours of more random things

and took more pictures

I documented the retirement ranch on film

With all of it's amazing glory

And cacti...

and more cacti...

and...yep, more cacti. Only this one has boobs, which is why my mom named it "bubbles"

It was a great visit. But as is usual with most vacations, the best part was going home...

It was super snowy in Utah and I LOVED it!

What I didn't love was waking up on my birthday with pink eye and a sinus infection...ugh

It was even worse when Lori woke up with the same thing...

Total death warmed over. So after getting meds from the doctor we decided to try a more natural approach:

Nothing a good ol fashioned tea bagging can't fix

ok, it didn't fix anything, but it sure did make us laugh

Cakes & Crafts

2011-06-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

...or what I'd rather be doing.

For whatever reason being in school makes me want to do nothing but craft and create. I'll take sewing over statistics any day. Here are some of my second semester creations:

Major hat attack (here's a sampling):

Newborn white newsboy

Keaton's Owl:

For my little friend at church:

Flower Power:

For Baby Brooklyn (big sister Adia's is blue):

Cakes (the ones that weren't for raunchy bachelorette parties):

Sour Cream Almond cake with raspberry buttercream filling....yum

Probably my favorite cake I've ever made...although from this angle it looks a little tipsy, it wasn't.

My first cupcake wedding:

I was skeptical at first, the bride ordered white chocolate cupcakes with white chocolate shavings, strawberry cupcakes with fondant roses, and lemon cupcakes with lemon wedge candies on top. I thought they were going to clash but they looked adorable together and fit the venue perfectly (an old barn that screamed "Martha Stewart would DIE to do a wedding here").

Here I am with my Minnesota adopted mom Merna (she's such a cute little thing), her son was the one who got married.

Felt up:

I don't know why I'm obsessed with felt but I totally am. I came up with this idea when I was trying to think of something cute (and cheap) to make for the girls I worked with at church:

They hold a little Book of Mormon. I'm pretty sure I could make these all day, so many things one could do!!!

And then THE BIG project: a bean bag for a photo prop.

This one used 3 yards of flannel, FIFTEEN yards of felt and 8 cubic feet of these:

First I made the inner part:

Then I jammed up my sewing machine trying to make the cover:

But after two solid weeks of work I managed to get it all together:

So super cute! I had some scraps left over so I whipped up a rug for my friend's daughter

I'd give myself an A for my ability to avoid doing what I'm really suppose to be doing. Unfortunately, I can't get a PhD in my ability to avoid what I'm suppose to be doing :(

They Say Bad Things Happen in Threes

2011-05-24T17:56:00.000-05:00

Bad thing #1: Saturday May 21st
It was suppose to be the day of rapture...but in my life it was the day I became the victim of a hit-and-run. True story. I was hit by a car while trying to WALK into a craft store. That's right, I was WALKING into the craft store when an old lady, driving a white SUV, made a left-hand turn right into ME. I was half trying to run in front of her and half slammed against her hood. I remember thinking, "this is how people die" and screaming, "oh my gosh!" while I pounded my fist on her hood. She dragged me a good 10 feet before she stopped and I rolled off of her hood. I walked to the side of her car where I promptly threw my arms in the air and let out a yell. That's when the old biddy mouthed, "I'm sorry" and then sped off!!!

I lucked out and walked away with just a serious case of shock and the pride of knowing that I didn't say a single swear word. Go me!

Bad thing #2: Tuesday May 24th
A molten popcorn seed popped out of my mouth, rolled down my neck and between my boobs...leaving a painful little burning trail...jeepers, I hope it doesn't scar!

Bad thing # 3: this one has yet to happen...I'll let you know when it does

The Breaking of the Curse

2011-05-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

The Hanson "single forever" curse has been broken...

Before

After

Yeah for Jillian! And as the newest and current favorite member of the family we'd like to add you to the parents will and GIVE YOU EVERYTHING! Twhoot!

December...

2011-04-09T22:11:00.005-05:00

So I realize no one cares, but I'm going to post about December anyway. It's very irritating to realize I'm this far behind in life....

First, they put me in charge of the Relief Society Christmas Party...I decided to throw an ugly sweater party (because that's not over done). The first counselor was actually pretty upset when she asked what an ugly sweater looked like and I referred her back to her closet...bless her heart, someone has to love those sweaters. I decided that we were going to center the entire celebration around Jell-O...and we did:
I also decided that we would take prom style photos to remember the magic of the evening. Derek owed me a favor so I made him come and help me decorate, because if anyone knows how to tacky a place up, it's Derek:
Now unfortunately my camera died right after I took this photo:So no one got to have their picture taken...I just pretended I did (I didn't have the heart to tell them that my camera was dead). I was exhausted this day and didn't even wear a sweater, in fact I wore a Halloween shirt and left the ugly to my no sleep, no make-up face.

And of course I made sugar cookies. One of my mentors here in the Minn adopts chillins from Africa, he held a big service auction to raise money. I donated a million sugar cookies, which were bought by a large Lutheran church...
It was a super messy process, I destroyed the kitchen:But they turned out totally adorable:Up next: Christmas at the retirement ranch

Love and Lilacs

2011-04-03T15:43:00.002-05:00

Today my grandmother would have been 97. She was born to the early 20th century version of the Brady Bunch. Her mother had three children: Anna, Viola & Albert. Her father had three children: Ida, Ivy, and May. And together they had my grandmother and her twin brother. Now I never met my great grandparents but something tells me they had run out of creativity when it came to baby names, which would explain why the twins ended up with the names Wanda and Wando. Yep, true story.

She was raised in Archer Idaho (home of the Big Judd) and never quite got over the great depression. She was frugal, and lived a modest life. She was really short and plump, the way grandmas should be. She made the most amazing carrot pudding, and would spend hours picking huckleberries for mouth watering huckleberry pie. She lived and raised four children in a two room house. She was left handed and loved to crochet and quilt. I remember her taking my brother, sister, and I to parades. She loved animals and found joy in simple trinkets like necklaces and rings. She worked at Fresh Pack, making those bloody potato flakes. She loved to fish and did so often. She couldn't stand to waste. She could find a use for everything from pop can tabs to old cans. She grew the most amazing lilacs and peonies. She was a gardener. She also loved cheese.

I never fully appreciated her. I was embarrassed by the gifts she gave me. I was embarrassed by her poverty. I was young, and stupid, and selfish, and shallow. And she loved me anyway. I was her granddaughter and she was always there.

In the late 90s the gasp of dementia started tightening and people and memories slipped from her mind. I moved away and started living my life while she stayed home and slowly lost hers. My amazing father cared for her, with the same tenderness and love that he cared for my broken doll when I was 4. After a few years she completely slipped a way. The last time I saw her she was slumped over in a wheelchair, face twisted towards the floor, unable to talk, to speak, to recognize me or anyone else.

She died in 2003.

At her funeral my sister walked around saying, "I see dead people". She was buried in a casket that had roses painted on the sides. Pink roses. Perfect flowers for a perfectly imperfect woman. A woman who is 1/6 me. Without her I never would have been.

I miss her. I miss her on Christmas morning. I miss her every time I smell her in the blossoms of Spring. I miss her wrinkly hands and painted nails. I miss her appreciation for the simple things. I miss her tea kettle. The thin silver metal, dented by sixty years of use. I miss it's makeshift wooden spool lid-topper. Because like her it endured many of life's flames, it was plain and useful, and whistled. Just like she did.

One day I will see her again. And I will ask her to forgive me for not appreciating her when I had the opportunity. And I will look in her blue eyes with tears in mine and tell her that I love her and the legacy she left behind.

Happy Birthday Grandma.

Yea Me!

2011-03-24T18:36:00.001-05:00

I haven't been feeling 100% lately. I keep telling myself that it's all in my head and that all is well in Care-ville. But alas, this evening while in mid curl of the clover leaf on ramp, I exploded. Bright orange semi-chunky vomit. And it wasn't a one heave deal. It was a multiple heave episode. By the time I made it to the side of the road I was drenched, with dribbles of puke all over my face, scarf and coat.

I always wondered what I'd do if I were driving and suddenly had to throw up. And now I know: nothing.

The worst part was that it was rush hour, and stop-and-go traffic, and I didn't have any napkins or kleenex or papertowels in my car. So I was left to just wallow in my own stomach acid for 20 long stinky miles. I was too tired to cry, so I laughed and thanked God that it wasn't diarrhea.

Yea me and my life!

Blame My Camera

2011-03-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

Back in October I decided to trade in my 4.1 megapixel camera for the #1 rated, most expensive 36,000 AMEX points could buy me. Well, it's now been FIVE MONTHS of total raw frustration. I hate it. I hate everything about it. But the thing I hate the most is that once I put the pictures in iphoto I can't do anything with them. For instance, if I want to save ONE photo on my desk top, I can't. I have to save ALL 40,000 of them to my desk top. I don't tell it to do that, it just does it. So, for five months I've been trying to figure out how to save a few photos to post to my blog...and it's been impossible. So I decided to give up and just let all 40,000 of the download to my desk top so I can get this show back on the road and do a 5 month catch up on my day-to-day life....so sit back and enjoy November:

Hot Rock climber Guy and I spent the first snow day at an inside garden. It was fantastic. There isn't anything better than being surrounded by flowers and screwy grass when it's dumping snow outside.

And HRCG and I spent at least an hour watching the mice run free inside of garden. We had a long heart-to-heart with the gardener, who also gave us a special show as she fed the gigantic snake and piranhas. She said that mice weren't suppose to be there, but they can't get rid of them, so the furry little critters have the run of the place.

My fish also outgrew their tank so I bought them an upgrade (look at how HUGE Abraham is!)

Here is Abraham, Alastair, and Adlair in their crystal clear 30+ gallon mansion (too bad it didn't stay crystal clear...stay tuned for December)

I spent Thanksgiving in Scranton PA with my brother and his lovely girlfriend (Jillian...who became his lovely fiance in December). They picked me up at the airport and we headed straight to a pizza place, where we stuffed our faces with this ooey, gooey, "white" pizza. (it was almost too much cheese...as if that's even possible).

My adorable brother and that freakin' greasy pizza.

Because Scranton is in the heart of multiple LDS church history sites we took them all in. We started on the banks of the Susquehana where Joseph Smith was baptized.

Brrrrrr, it looks chilly

Chris and I also went to Palmyra New York and visited the Smith Farm and the Hill Cumorah (that's where Joseph Smith had the first vision and received the golden plates, a.k.a. the Book of Mormon)

Here's a view from atop Hill Cumorah:

It was FREEZING and I'm pretty sure Chris and I did the quickest jog through the Sacred Grove EVER.

Jillian, Chris and I went out for pizza...again...

Then I documented Chris and Jillian buying their first Christmas Tree *sigh*. A couple's first tree is a pretty serious event...as you can see on Topher's face.

But they found one they liked and dragged it home (take note of the plant in the background...Topher saved that from a dumpster last Christmas and nursed it back to fabulous health...he gets that from our mother).

Jillian decided on a purple tree with oodles of purple and silver ornaments.

While they were decorating the tree I was hunting for engagement rings...tee-hee, Jillian didn't know I was hunting for her!

Also in November one of my friend's sons-in-law was severely injured in Afghanistan. He lost both of his legs and an arm. He survived and has been in DC ever since. All he wanted fro Christmas was for his friends still in the Stan to receive a care package. So my school cohort and I gathered up some goods and shipped 6 super heavy boxes full of this:

November was great...next entry: December catch-up.

My World

2011-01-16T16:20:00.000-06:00

I feel like I have dropped off the Blogosphere. School is not conducive to blogging...or a social life, or cello lessons.

So, where do I spend my time and who do I spend it with??? Here ya go:

With:

Back Row: Kirsten, Kit, ME, Matt, Matt (it's hard to tell them apart), and Jen
Front Row: Yaliu, Melanie, Angela, Jade, Blendine

We're hoping to be the class of 2014. My MN corhort has not made a suicide pact like my KY cohort did, but so far no one has dropped out or been admitted to the hospital...that I know of anyway. This crowd is A LOT less rambunctious than my KY koolhort. In fact, they don't come to class hung over or swear. I'm pretty much the bad ass of the group because I'll drop and f'bomb every now and then and skip class for days on end...different time, different world, different me.

In spite of the fact that there are weekly sexual assaults on campus, the University of Minnesota thinks safety is super important. Thus the "burglar alarm"...who knew those even existed.

Campus is beautiful with lots of trees

And there is random art work scattered all over the place

We're Golden Gophers are all about going green

A random little farm in the middle of campus

Office #1: St. Paul campus...I look busy, that might even be an orange on my desk..it's probably still there 1/2 rotten.

Office #2: East Bank Campus...

For the record, the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health is THE most boring office atmosphere on the planet! It's full of people but dead quiet ALL OF THE TIME and my desk is totally sterile...which is why it's one of the only places I can actually get any work done.

Gopher stadium

Another safety warning

More random art...

It's My Birthday, I Can Do Whatever the Hell I Want

2011-01-06T22:49:00.002-06:00

Oh yes I can little Cameron Curtiss, and you can't stop me. So take your five-year-old wisdom and go back to school...

See, I woke up the morning of my birthday and my sinus infection had managed to work its way out of my tear duct and into my eye. It was like a milky green slug had nested in my eye lashes and sealed my baby blues shut. Basically mother nature gave me the finger and pink eye. Happy birthday to me.

I ended up celebrating my birthday quarantined in Lori's basement (with Lori who was also sick).

I had to skip my birthday party/new years shin dig. Which means I didn't get a birthday cake...

No one sang "the song" to me

No presents to unwrap

It was an all out bust.
I felt robbed.

SO, I made the executive decision yesterday that I'm going to celebrate my birthday tomorrow. In fact I'm considering tomorrow my New Year's Eve and Saturday will be the official beginning of my 2011.

That means I've had an extra week to postpone my New Years resolutions...which include:

running 1/3 of 2011 miles
decreasing my sugar intake
increasing my positive thinking
finding God again (we've been playing hide and seek for quite some time now)
Oh, I'm also going to stop dropping the f'bomb. It really isn't lady like and it's probably time I start acting like a lady.
I'm going to actually TRY in school and maybe start excelling at things again
I will perfect my pole dancing skills
AND I must publish a book, I simply must.

But before 2011 begins (on Saturday in case you forgot), I'm going to stuff my self silly with this:

Because once I'm actually 35, my metabolism will stop and I'll never be able to engage in such gluttony without loads of guilt, shame, and cellulite.

So tomorrow we (or at least I) will feast! And Saturday, I'm going to start all over again....take that Cameron Curtiss with 2 s'es.

And for the record, if I could have any birthday cake on the planet, it would be this one:

One Semester Down!

2010-12-20T19:40:00.000-06:00

Only 11 more to go...

Blog-a-Rama

2010-12-07T10:29:00.002-06:00

This is a few weeks early but here is yet another blog associated with my name: http://run20eleven.blogspot.com/

2010-11-23T13:29:00.001-06:00

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
-Edgar Allan Poe

HRCG Makes My Day

2010-11-21T20:33:00.001-06:00

HRCG sent me this link (to one of my favorite blogs) and this hilarious post:

How a Fish Almost Destroyed My Childhood

It reminded me of my own tragic animal killing story...for your reading pleasure:

A story
By: c. Lyn. h.
Starring: Carrie (age 13) & her brother Topher (age 16)

It was a moonless, starless, dark late-summer night on a rural Idaho road (which is pretty descriptive of the entire state). My brother and I had stolen a powder blue mini-truck off of my dad's car lot and taken it out for a little joy ride. I'm pretty sure we'd done some crazy shiz in our one-stop light town and were high-tailing it out of dodge into the dark potato farm abyss. Just as we were whizzing by the dairy barn shaped high school a large gray jack rabbit came speeding up along side the passenger's side of the truck. He bounced along, keeping pace with the stolen vehicle's headlights for a few seconds and then took a sharp turn, right in our path. One "Thu-dunk" later, it was obvious the rabbit had used us as a tool for suicide. My brother, the kind hearted heathen that he was felt a sense of responsibility to make sure the critter had adequately killed itself. The thought of it laying in the road suffering was just too much for him to handle. So we turned around and drove back to the scene. Lying there in the middle of the blood bath was a 1/2 smooshed rabbit...the latter half. The first half was frantically trying to hop it's way across the road. That's when my brother looked me in the eye and said, "son of a bitch. we can't let it suffer." He then put the truck in reverse, gunned the engine, and "thu-dunked" the rabbit a second time. Again we turned around to make sure it was sufficiently dead. Much to our dismay it was still kicking...one unwounded leg towards the side of the road. Topher became even more upset, his eyes watered as once again he looked at me and said, "son of a bitch"...gunned it and "thu-dunked" it a third time. A third time we turned around. And a third time it wasn't dead.

I'll be honest, I have no idea how many times we had to run that sucker over until it was fully dead. Nor do I know how we explained the blood spatters on the side of the truck to my father...but I do remember how distraught my brother was and how through tears we both laughed at our ineptness to kill.

The End.

Playing Catch Up

2010-11-04T12:59:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure if my life has been too busy to blog about or too boring...I'd probably say it's the latter. School keeps me busy...or at least it should. I'm taking a new approach with this degree: sleeping through class and blatantly skipping classes all together. I kind of like my new "B" attitude...

So in between skipping classes and pretending to work, I do manage to have a little bit of fun. Last week I went to the climbing gym for the first time with Hot Rock Climbing Guy. If you ever want to know if you can trust someone, have them belay you on a 25 foot climb. I made it up about 10 feet when I realized that rock climbing was a seriously stupid idea. But I somehow managed to make it to the top. That's when he told me to "let go" (as if I haven't heard that from a guy before). My left hand let go just fine, my right however had a death grip on the top of the wall and no matter how many signals I sent from my brain to my hand, it wasn't going to let go. So Hot RCG had to talk me through it and I literally had to pry my hand off of the wall with my other hand....good times. Two hours later I was a sweaty, dusty mess, and had lost all use of my arms. So Hot RCG bought me the biggest, messiest, yummiest burger I've ever eaten. He's a man after my own heart.

The next day I ran the Boo-ffalo Spooky 5k with Rita (in Buffalo MN...they are witty). Rita is a real runner. Her secret? A cigarette right before and then right after her race...I'm pretty sure she runs so fast because she knows there's a cigarette waiting for her at the end of the line. I need some inspiration like that!

Some people ran in costumes. My favorite was this couple, he was a hunter (complete with bow) and she was an inflatable deer (bet that one gets a lot of use at home, hubba-hubba)

I didn't plan it, but I ended up looking like a giant candy corn...that's what happens when you dress like a clown on normal days.

Rita beat me across the finish line (I let her beat me, he, he)

By the time I got to the finish line I was literally burning up. If I could have stripped off more I would have.

Awesome girls!

After the Boo-ffalo I went home and made a whole slew of sucker ghosts for the annual trunk-or-treat event.

Now, let me stop and comment on the whole trunk-or-treat thing. I think it's lame. American kids are lazy as it is. Once a year they're actually suppose to RUN from house to house to get their candy, but trunk-or-treat is a fat kids dream. You don't have to run you can just waddle between cars. Pathetic.

Then yesterday, in the spirit of laziness and living life by the motto of carpe diem, Hot RCG and I skipped regular life and took full advantage of the most amazing November day EVER! It was beautiful out, so we canoed 6 or 7 miles down the Mississippi river. We even went through three lock and dams. I was so excited I had to take play-by-play pictures:

Here we are patiently waiting for the lock to close...I'm not sure what Hot RCG is doing with that rope, but he's pretty into it.

Here's the lock all closed up and the water going down

Sill going down...

Even more...

And here we are at the bottom waiting for the lock to open up and let us out.

I was pretty excited...and Hot RCG was a very diligent rope holder

Minneapolis (look at that amazing sky!)...also note how high the water is. One of the guys at a lock and damn said they close the river when it reaches a 30...and it was at a 29.something. So it was at capacity.

Here's a good one of Hot RCG...I love that it looks like we're paddling through ice...unfortunately it was just large chunks of foam...icky, nasty foam.

Another lock & dam

A self pic as we cruised by campus...where I was suppose to be...in class

Where we ate out lunch of brie & baguette (wonder who was in charge of that?)

It was an awesome day! I wish every day could be a canoe day!

I Couldn't Have Said It Better

2010-10-22T10:38:00.002-05:00

Click here: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/10/god-of-cake.html

2010-10-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

When in Rome....Do as the Vikings Do

2010-10-03T14:54:00.002-05:00

Minnesotans LOVE their Viking football...so we decided to check it out

Farve is a fav...

Good to know

We played against the angry horses

They sure do love blowing this horn thingy

Excellent advertising

Wonder how the REAL vikings would feel about an inflatable boat

My favorite:

Segregation is alive and well in Minnesota...but I broke the rules and drank anyway

I don't even remember who won...that's how much I love football.

Summer Luvin'.....the final catch-up

2010-09-26T11:33:00.000-05:00

To say that I am a Little House on the Prairie fan is a bit of an understatement. I LOVE the LHotP! Sometimes when I hate living in the Minn I remember Ma and Pa and little 1/2-pint and how they survived so I can too.

Well, when I learned that Walnut Grove hosts a Little House on the Prairie Pageant every year I knew it was a summer must-do. So Natalie, Claire and I headed out to the Prairie to take in the festivities and have ourselves a rip-roaring good time.

Now, the event started off with the most fawsome storm...it was so fawesome that I can't even begin to describe it. Suffice it to say that it was spent inside a mostly collapsed tent where I was holding my therma-rest over my head with my feet in an attempt to keep the tent up and from the sheets of water from dumping down on Natalie (who was bear hugging our sleeping bags while lying spread eagle in an attempt to keep them and the tent from floating away)....it ended with a 10 second camp breakdown and a night spent sleeping in a bug infested car.

Here are the other highlights:

Eating Chicken Gizzards...

Sporting my Mormon heritage in a new bonnet...

NELLY OLSON's BOOBS!!!!

Walnut Grove's run down self

My own street sign, complete with covered wagon

The Pageant

Colorful people at the pageant...yep that's a handmade tampon shoved up her nose

Vintage activities

Me taking a picture of Natalie taking a picture of me taking a picture of her

A restaurant that actually knows what a Roy Rogers is!

Glamor shot of Nat in your matching bonnet

More eclectic pageant people...he rode his Harley in and brought binoculars...

And of course...local problem solving

Bloggy McBloggerson

2010-09-23T17:13:00.000-05:00

I just started a 'topic specific' blog for those of you who are interested in following. It's about me (of course) and what it's like to be a single 30-something in the LDS church. So there's going to be a lot of bitching about my religion and oodles of things what will make you cringe (like some of the things people say to folks like myself), I may even talk about dating...it does happen people, I just don't publish it. So check it out if your interested, and screw you if you're not

http://twocatsandawindchime.blogspot.com/

Get 'er Done

2010-09-18T11:24:00.005-05:00

I've been scoring some sweet deals lately...like $5 Nascar tickets that came with free beer (or soda in our case) and popcorn...you can't top that! So of course I dragged the usuals along for the journey. I think Derek is a seasoned Nascar fan (or at least he looks like one...), but it was a first for the rest of us...Natalie is behind the camera
The event started off with THE GREATEST prayer ever said, it went something like this: "Dear God, please bless us to blah, blah, blah, until we cross the ultimate checkered flag and return to live with you forever. Amen"...a good metaphorical prayer can really hit the spot.

My favorite races were these little penny racers...who knew car racing could be adorable?The official flag dude
Natalie's car won:
Derek's car lost:
Claire's car won:
Derek's car lost:
Then loosing hit the masses and we all picked the duds (but those nachos helped ease the pain of defeat)
The winning car:I'm not sure what happened to the above photo, it seems to be missing a corner...strange.

Today's Adventure: The Peppermint Twist

2010-09-11T18:47:00.006-05:00

There seems to be no end to Minnesota's randomness. Today Melissa took Claire and I to the Peppermint Twist...a tiny little drive-in dive in the middle of nowhere. To quote the laminated sign stapled to the grill..."the Peppermint Twist...(is) part food heaven, part back to the '50s and part Stephen King, but in a good way"...if there is such a thing as a "Stephen King" in a good way.
And if "a throwback to a simpler time" means a "dog park for people" then the Peppermint Twist is the ULTIMATE throwback:
The Peppermint Twist promotes good health...
And keeps the pink plywood bear makers in business:
And they have a wishing-well full of...plastic turtles (Melissa was in heaven!)
They make AMAZING fresh raspberry shakes (complete with monstrous straws)
Really good onion rings...and they step on the hamburgers before they serve them. (I had a bite of the shroom burger, it was loaded it with cheese sauce! Brilliant!)
They also found a whimsical use for used loofah sponges
Just in case you wanted to kickbox the face off of a bear:
And the best part? GIANT HOOLA-HOOPS!!!! I tried to hula with two hoops at once, I did pretty good in the beginning....
But this was the unfortunate end (not only do I take horrible pictures I also wear ridiculously short pants and make horrible noises...when will the awkward adolescent years end???)

On the way back from the twist we stopped at Apple Jacks to pick some apples...unfortunately a frost back in May killed them all, so no apples for Carrie this year :(

Bring it Bitch

2010-09-10T21:59:00.004-05:00

This week has not left me in the greatest mood. I'm exhausted on every level. I started grad school, two new jobs, had one of the most awkward and uncomfortable conversations of my life AND totally got screwed in a business deal (fortunately that one has been resolved). So all I wanted was a nice quiet criticism free Friday evening.

It was going pretty well until my roommate's friend (who is staying with us this weekend while she and her kid-boyfriend attend some LDS single's conference). She and my roommate were talking and this is how the conversation went down:

Girl: "We could all play a game"
Roommate: "Carrie doesn't like games"
Girl looking at me: "what, you don't like to have fun"
Me: "I don't like games, I don't think they're fun"
Girl: "wow, I hope you don't have kids"
Me: a bit dumbfounded and wondering how the fact that I don't like card games would make me an unfit parent took a long, long pause and supressed my initial urge to kick her face and beat the shit out of her and simply replied...."I hope you do have kids...and I hope they're ugly."
Girl: mouth drops open
Me: "I've had a really bad week, you need to be nice"
Me thinking to myself: "or you can get your ass and the tacky safety pin bracelet you're wearing the hell out of my house".

I mean really? Safety pins? 1992 called and they'd like their accessories back.

Happy Birthday Pookie!

2010-09-10T20:59:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday Lori! You are one in a million and if I had a billion dollars I'd buy you this dog humping squirrel:
Because I know how much you LOVE squirrels! Here's to one more year of devilish fun!

Welcome to the University of Minnesota!

2010-09-09T18:13:00.003-05:00

I've never been on a campus that was so concerned about the intimate details of their student's lives...
BYU's sign would read, "NOT A VIRGIN?" For help call Jesus and beg for forgiveness.

Oh Yes I Did

2010-08-27T11:05:00.000-05:00

Circus School.

Sam (super hot trapeze artist/industrial engineer....not THAT'S a dreamy combination) was our patient trainer. He started us out doing warm ups on the trampoline...which I'm highly talented at (sorry, no pics). Then we bounced our way down a track (literally) and jumped into a gigantic pit of foam (when I get older I'm going to have one of those in my house)...that's when I decided that doctorates are for the birds and circus school is where it's at. I mean look at the things we did: FYI, holding your breath does not make your abs work better...
Sam, showing off his famazing skills
Praying to anyone who would listen to my petition
This one required me to run, fling myself up in the air, twist mid turn, and hit the mat running again
Natalie was a bit more graceful at it
Doing the "Jesus wrist wrap"
a bit fearful at what Sam had planned for us next
My fear was justified because he wanted me to roll backwards into a pike...I held my breath but it didn't happen Sam thought it was as funny as I did Red marks from the "Jesus wrap" that turned into awesome purple bruises
If I were a poodle this is the trick I would do while on fire
I CAN NOT walk the tight wire, thank goodness it wasn't more than 2 feet off the ground
My favorite part: silks

First we learned how to "candy cane" our legs and climb like monkeys...

Natalie is a bit more graceful at the monkey thing than I am

Then we learned how to do an arabesque, step one: knot yourself upStep two: pop yourself out and thank God he gave you big boobs...

Then we did my favorite, side-ways hanging hip thingy...(awesome claw toes)

Ta-da! Like pole dancing, except you can do it really high in the airOf course the Natster was equally as talented

Speedimus Minimus: Ragnar 2010

2010-08-25T19:51:00.011-05:00

"Run a 200 mile relay" has been on my to-do list for years. So when Natalie asked me if I wanted to join a Ragnar team I immediately said yes...before I actually thought about important things like training, and nutrition, and hot humid Minnesota days. I was a part of team:
As is customary I did a few half-ass runs in the days/weeks/months prior to the race. For some reason when we were picking out legs I decided that I wanted the 6.3 mile "extra hard" mostly uphill run. I mean what's a measly 6.3 miles?The other 10 people we ran with are married...so Natalie and I were made a "couple" on the van window...
The day started off with an impromptu stop at Angel's for cheese curds
Who needs to carb load when you can fill up on hot and gooey breaded cheese? Yum.

We then drove to the middle of no-where's-ville Wisconsin...according to the GPS we had totally left civilization and entered barren nothingness...We ended up in Modena...population: 56 people, 147 llamas.
I was the first runner (#7) in the second van...no pressure there. I was feeling pretty confident, the weather wasn't too hot, it was cloudy, and there were predictions of thunderstorms
When my number was called Scott followed the rules and accompanied me across the street to the starting gate...
David came barreling down the road and slapped the wrist band on my arm
I took off running...and the second I did the clouds totally disappeared, the temperature skyrocketed, and the humidity went through the roof. By mile 1.5 I was burning up and starting to feel sick. So the team doused me in ice water. I made it another 1.5 miles (straight uphill miles) before I collapsed on the side of the road, dizzy, nauseated, dry heaving, and crying without tears. I think Natalie thought I was kidding when I offered $100 for to anyone who would finish my leg. I wanted to die. (here's me about 40 minutes after I dropped out)...at least my lips were no longer blue. Carey came to my rescue and while they dragged me off the road she started pounding the pavement. She TOTALLY saved me from dying. She and her husband Scott are my heroes.That really set me up to feel like a complete loser for the next 22 hours of the race, although Speedimus Minimus was super sweet and didn't tell me I was the team's dead weight (although I totally was).

The next stop was at this sweet church:John took over and ran like a champ (he didn't die in the heat)Then came Natalie who ran at the peak of the heat...nothing stops that girlAfter some serious cool down time we didn't look to bad
At 6pm it was still hotter and humid as hell, but safety vests and headlamps were mandated...nothing like being over dressedWe did a little site seeing along the wayAnd we finally found an occasion to bust out the glow-in-the dark braceletsThe next 12 hours were a total sleepless blur...and the weather only got worse. At 2am when I did my 2nd run it was 75 degrees with 89% humidity...WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STATE?

When morning finally came around we found ourselves trying to sleep crammed in a minivan. The guy parked next to us had obviously hit delirious because he spent 2 hours atop his van dancing and doing a strip teaseAnd this perv stood for 30 minutes watching him and eating a doughnut...hilariousOnce again I was the first runner in the last leg. I was feeling a bit nervous
But was totally ready to get it over with...
Of course I hit every stop light on the way and started to have gastric distress (a runner's dream come true)
But I finished...slower than slow, but I finished. And celebrated with some Peeps...oh how I love Peeps!Natalie was a total rock star during her last leg Post race limbering
Scott was our final runner and he was a total champ...I mean look at him smoking this old lady on the home stretchAt the finish lineMinneapolis and the mighty Mississippi
a Ragnar summaryThere was no sleepBut I did eatAnd got this super sweet 5 pound medal--twhoot!By the end of the day I decided that I was done running and ready to take up cycling...of course I woke up Sunday morning thinking "next year, I will conquer that damn hill"...crap...although next time, I think I'll train...in a sauna.

What kept us sain video #2

2010-08-21T20:23:00.000-05:00

What kept us sain video #1

2010-08-21T20:22:00.000-05:00

Coming up...

2010-08-21T20:12:00.001-05:00

Fortune or Misfortune?

2010-08-15T19:46:00.000-05:00

Just Peachy

2010-08-14T21:08:00.003-05:00

My jam obsession continues...this time with a 17 pound box of peaches...I was a bit nervous to attempt peaches...mostly because I remember my mother swearing like a truck driver every time peach canning season came rolling around...dirty little objects of frustration. Fortunately Natalie stopped by in the nick of time...becuase preparing 17 pounds of peaches for jam is a major endeavor. First you have to blanch the lil' suckersThen you throw them in a cold water bath so their skins explode right offThen you put them in the bowl for Natalie to dice :)Then you do a whole bunch of other things I failed to document in photos and wha-la...you have more jam than you'll ever be able to consume in a year...yum.

Just Pretend It's July 5th

2010-08-11T20:15:00.013-05:00

Who am I and what happened to the girl who use to be on top of things? This is getting out of hand....this is going to be super anticlimactic but here's my 4th of July weekend haps:

It started a long drive up north with this super sweet grass covered van as a fellow road companion:
Since real planning is totally overrated Natalie, Claire and I set off with the hopes of just finding a place to camp...who knew, all camp site had been booked for months. Fortunately I have big boobs and wear tight shirts, and when I walk them in to low budget hotels really late at night, they get me 75% off regular hotel price...they also get you a bathtub with sticky fish on the bottom...thanks girls!:After a hot and semi-sleepless night in a stuffy room we continued our trek up north. Of course we had to stop at this dishware flea market to look for cake plates
And we stopped at Lutsen...Minnesota's BIG ski resort (tee-hee, no comment). They have a cool alpine slide...and an old school ski lift
The view from the BIG ski hill
Right before I challenged that chubby little Latino kid to a race...wonder who won
This year we decided to spend the 4th of July in a Socialist nation...(we might as well get use to it now)We stayed 12 feet from this:
My favorite self pic
After I convinced the boarder agent that we were indeed US citizens (I think he was suspicious becuase I was sweating bullets and threw out obvious answers to his stupid questions...I mean why in the hell would he say "where are you coming from?"...ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer)

I felt like I was in a Harry Potter film
Anything for the perfect shot
Me and a bunch of trees
Random river art
Minnesota schrooms
Another waterfall
Lake Superior
The climax of our trip was to hike Eagle Mountain...the tallest peak in Minnesota. On the way we passed "Whale Lake"
And a freakishly large ant hillJust as we were all starting to break a sweat we hit this...the tip top of Minnesota
Anticlimactic to say the least
Here's me being taller than MinnesotaSoaking in those "high altitude" rays
The view from the top
Minnesota may not have altitude but they do have amazing flowers
To top the weekend off we stopped at world famous Betty's Pies to see her pasties...not as impressive as you'd imagine.

Who am I and what happened to the girl who use to be on top of things? This is getting out of hand.

Ayre Maties...

2010-08-08T22:30:00.008-05:00

Yes, I realize I have yet to post about July 4th but in my attempt to catch up I thought I'd start with the latest adventure and work my way back...

Last weekend we attended the "Tall Ships Festival" in Duluth. "Tall Ships" or "ships with a shiz load of ropes" do some crazy race through the Great Lakes and they had a 4 day pit stop in Duluth.When it comes to reenactments you have several groups. You have the beer drinking Renaissance people, the Civil War folks, and then you have the pirates. The pirates are by far the craziest of the crazies. Lots of them liked my nautical look, but a couple of them gave me a few "ayres" and told me "we don't need no women on board" which was fine with me and my motion sickness self. I had no idea I was obsessed with ropes until I saw miles and miles of them all wound up in cool shapes.
My favorite pirate eye arm pumpThank goodness I don't have to use one of these on a daily basisThis boat was in some Pirates of the Caribbean film
It came with a fake Johnny Dep (who was as disgusting as the real thing)
My super cute shoes
The super cute boy that sang the entire Garden State sound track...I wanted to take him, and his bike, home
I heart Duluth.

The coolest bag ever

2010-08-03T20:17:00.005-05:00

Bake out

2010-07-28T20:31:00.002-05:00

I'm putting the pans in the cupboard and walking away from thekitchen...tired of baked goods. But these last ones were fun:

Cathing Up: "Big" Minnesota Rodeo = "Small" Idaho Rodeo

2010-07-19T20:58:00.003-05:00

Warning: this post contains Minnesota bashing.

Natalie, Claire, Derek and I ventured out to Hamel for one of Minnesota's "largest" rodeos. Now I know I shouldn't mock, but I'm pretty sure Rigby could take Hamel on and come out on equal grounds. Of course Rigby doesn't have Derek and his face-smooshing poses:
Nor does it have 4 friends who all randomly show up wearing stripes (we looked like a random cult):Rigby does have apple bodied ladies parading the American flag:
But Rigby's never had this:

But Hamel didn't have: mutton busting, colt runs, or good rodeo clowns.

But Rigby doesn't have a Natalie...who happens to pack an umbrella in her purse for those rainy rodeo moments...gotta luv that girl!

The Wrath of God

2010-07-18T21:25:00.003-05:00

We had an AMAZING storm last night. I was at a friend's house about an hour north of the cities. We were all sitting on the patio watching brauts cook on the grill (I was also watching everyone get drunk) when it started to get windy and a bit rainy. And we saw this approaching (stolen photos):We weren't too worried until a random guy came bursting into the house yelling at everyone to get in the basement. I grabbed my bowl full of dessert and followed orders. Now, they were a lot shorter back in 1920 when the house was originally built and I had a bit of trouble standing up. After about five minutes I got bored and headed back upstairs to look out the window (all the smokers were out having what could have been their final cigarette). The wind was intense and the rain was pounding down. The people on the weather channel were throwing out all sorts of tornado warnings and telling people to get to a safe place...it was so cool! Sure, I should probably take the whole tornado thing seriously but let's be honest, they're drawn to trailer parks and Walmarts, I was pretty safe in a little country house.

About an hour after the storm passed I decided to start heading home. I have never seen the sky so full of variety in my life. If only I'd had a decent camera with me :( To the west the sun was streaming through some clouds and the sky was a butter yellow:The north and west were dark blue-gray and there was tons and tons of lightening...but there were also tons of rainbows. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. You can see two of the rainbows in this picture I took while driving : )
The south was a deep greenish orange. It was amazing. What wasn't so amazing were the trees that had fallen in the middle of the road...nothing like cruising through the dark at 55 mph only to realize that you're going to crash into a large tree...it was like driving in a video game. I loved it.

Catching Up: Tour de Uptown

2010-07-17T10:07:00.004-05:00

Natalie is a super star when it comes to finding random things to do in Minneapolis. About a month ago she dragged us to The Nature Valley Grand Prix, which is an event for top pro/elite cyclists. I guess it's a pretty big deal in the cycling world. The competitors ride their bikes (super fast) around a track that consists of several city blocks (.88 killometers). Then they do an insane amount of laps (like 75). I had no idea standing for 1.5 hours watching guys in spandex wiz by could be so enjoyable.

Cycling can never have enough cow bell (sorry Claire, I didn't have a pic with your eyes open)
The finish line:
This guy was either in the lead or trailing behind, I can't remember:
I love fun city stuff...for instance, this is a pizza delivery guy for Galactic Pizza. Their drivers have to wear super hero costumes and capes. They also have to wear 1980's helmets and goggles. It takes a special person to work there.
And then there was the white castle turned jewelery store, who wouldn't want to buy their engagement ring there?

Catching Up: Carrie Rhymes with Strawberry

2010-07-16T14:15:00.004-05:00

If you've ever been to Idaho you know that it's a high desert tundra and only the hardiest of plants survive, i.e. potatoes and sagebrush. So living in a state that grows more than starch is super exciting. My inner Mormon girl went wild with the thought of fresh homemade strawberry jam on a warm slice of freshly baked whole wheat bread (we may not drink but damn do Mormons know how to eat!).

Here's the pics of our picks:
Pre jam:Post jam:And of course I failed to take pics of the 15 jars I made and then promptly gave away. But trust me when I saw, "wowza!"

The Power of Persuasion

2010-07-15T20:33:00.003-05:00

My inner 5-year-old threw a tantrum and won....I skipped swim lessons.
My inner 6-year-old wanted to celebrate with ice cream...but my inner 30-year-old said no and I was forced to take out the garbage.

Brilliance in a BAg

2010-07-14T19:49:00.000-05:00

The Carbohydrate Trifecta:

Catch Up #1: Spam the Magic Ham in a Can

2010-07-12T21:09:00.006-05:00

You could say I'm a little backed up on the blogging. So in an attempt to prove that I actually do get out, I thought I'd get my arse in gear and post the mass of pictures I've been accruing. Let's start back in April with: The Spam Museum.

I have been to museums all over the world, and let me tell you, the Spam Museum was honestly one of the best. It was interactive to the hilt (totally beats the Louvre in that department). And so educational (not that that one museum in Berlin wasn't). But did you know that Spam is made in factories all over the world? Or that it comes in like a billion flavors? Did you know that the Spamettes were a singing troupe that use to tour the nation singing about the famous ham in a can? Who knew?

Here are some highlights of the trek:
Witty advertising a plenty:
Unheard of recipes:
Visual yumminess:
The greatest song ever written (next to Ave Maria of course):
Packing Spam (Natalie kicked my trash):
Spammie:
And the icing on the top of the Spam cake?...this sign in the bathroom:
I heart Minnesota.

Editor's Correction

2010-07-08T21:52:00.003-05:00

My parents have requested that I retract part of my previous post...the part where I stated that they stole the sage brush out of the cemetery. I told them that the journalist's job is to reveal the truth, so in a compromise they sent me pictures of the halibut gun and I promised to let everyone know that the sage brush wasn't on, or near an actual grave, it was in fact on the perimeter of the cemetery...and I know my dad swears they cut it down from a location miles and miles away from the cemetery, but I distinctly remember my mom telling about how they'd hurry and hide the saw and try to stand innocently on the side of the road every time a car passed by.

It doesn't really matter, I mean it's a sagebrush...they grow like weeds in Idaho.

AND for those of you who wonder what a halibut gun is, here's a pic:According to my dad it's stainless steal and a great weapon to carry in the motor home...but that's another story for another blog day.

Back at the Farm

2010-07-07T20:44:00.004-05:00

During high school my family was often the focus of my monthly column in the school paper...they've always been excellent fodder for humor. For instance: one Christmas my mother decided that she'd skip the traditional pine tree and flock a giant sage brush stolen from the cemetery. Yes, you read that right, my parents stole a giant sage brush from the cemetery, flocked it, put it up in the formal dinning room, slathered it with lights, threw on a bunch of bulbs and then set back and basked in it's tick laden glory.

So I shouldn't have been surprised when I called home today only to hear my mom squealing about a skunk that had taken shelter underneath a shrub in the yard. Now my mom grew up in the country, so you'd think she'd know that you DO NOT throw rocks at skunks, but she did...which pissed the skunk off. So, knowing that she was at a disadvantage, my mom enlisted my father to help in her quest to annihilate the unwanted creature.

My dad's solution to the problem? A halibut gun. That's right, he skipped over the 22 and went straight for a gun built to kill fish. Who wouldn't.

My parents then spent the latter part of the afternoon skunk hunting with a fish gun.

In the end the skunk suffered the same fate as a garden hose and millions of halibut everywhere: death.

It was just another day down on the Hanson homestead.

750+ Miles Later...

2010-07-05T21:59:00.001-05:00

...I'm one tired American. More 4th of July celebration deets to come.

The Sting of Loss

2010-07-01T23:04:00.002-05:00

One of my first childhood memories is that of my mother's hands. I remember sitting in church, watching her draw and thinking about how beautiful her hands were. How quickly they turned pencil lines into landscapes, elegantly. I remember looking at my own hands and wondering if they would ever be as beautiful, as skilled, as perfect, and if my children would look at them the way I looked at hers.

Today, at work, I randomly glanced at my hands and realized that they're starting to look their age. Then it hit. My child, should I ever be blessed enough to have one, will never know my hands the way I knew my mother's. My child will never be held by the youthful hands of her 26-year-old mother. My child will never sit in church and marvel as her 31-year-old mother sketches pictures. My child will never have those memories, and so many others I hoped to create.

I've wanted to be a mother as long as I can remember. But time keeps passing, and I keep waiting for life to fall into place. I stopped thinking of what I'd name my children and how I'd decorate their rooms years ago. I've all but convinced myself that it's ok if it never happens. But sometimes the presence of something that was never there creeps up and reminds me that I've already lost something I never had.

The ghost of lost hopes and dreams always leaves me filled with the vacant chill of loneliness and grief

My Kids

2010-06-29T22:13:00.004-05:00

They grow up so fast! Abraham is gynormous, Alastair has become Abe's shadow and follows him EVERYWHERE, and little Adler is living up to his handi-can status. A crooked spine and missing fin doesn't keep this little man down...he reminds me of my other favorite handi-can: Loooooori :)

My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad

2010-06-20T17:30:00.006-05:00

My dad. Whenever I sit and truly think about the man whom is my father my eyes well up in tears of gratitude. He’s exquisitely ordinary, the way all good dads are: a balanced mix of love and orneriness, car grease and Old Spice. Yet woven in the toughened everyday fabric of my father’s life are extraordinary threads of compassion and charity. This is the man of whom I write.

Daddy’s Girl. I think all women are born daddy’s girls; I was no exception. I remember clumsily shuffling around the house in my father’s worn leather cowboy boots, my legs barely clearing the tops, anticipating his arrival from work. It was torturous and magical all at the same time to watch him through the frosted windows clearing a path through the snow towards the house, then away from the house, his blue coat intermittently disappearing in a cloud of blowing ice and wind. Then, just as the wait teetered on pain, the telltale stomp of my dad’s approach on the back step filled me with excitement: dad was home, MY dad was home. And the warmth of our home was complete.

The day I knew he loved me. I was four, and while I don’t remember the finite details I do remember this: the sun was streaming through my grandmother’s back door, cutting across the wooden chair where he sat, slightly hunched. Manned with fishing line, pliers, superglue and a needle borrowed from my grandmother’s sewing box, he fervently worked repairing my favorite doll. His large calloused fingers fumbled as he clumsily stitched her head, creating the most beautiful scar a little girl has ever seen.

(I swear I wrote more than that, but that pretty much sums it up, I love my dad and I know he loves me) Happy Father's Day! I'll always be your little girl, and you'll always be one of my heroes.

Today: June 17th

2010-06-17T00:54:00.002-05:00

"Fear is an illusion"

I admit, I am afraid of a lot of things: heights, failure, rejection, animals with horns...but my number one absolute phobia is:

Sure, I can drink it, and shower in it, but toss me in a big pool of it and I FREAK! Total and complete panic. PTSD reaction: racing heart, racing mind, shortness of breath, and the overwhelming urge to cry and scream for help.

But since I absolutely, positively, REFUSE to give in to fear of any kind, I've decided it is time to face the big one: water. I may have a panic attack and end up being dragged from the pool in a mess of tears, but I am doing it...starting today...with swim lessons.

And no, I will not be with a bunch of three-year-olds blowing bubbles (although I'll probably wish I was), I'm heading straight to the real class.

Heaven help me, if they make me jump in on the first day I just might die.

If Life Were a Painting

2010-06-14T22:35:00.001-05:00

Galatee aux Spheres
Salvador Dali

Sometimes I wonder...

2010-06-13T19:49:00.002-05:00

...how I made it through an English degree without reading some novels. This week I finally picked up Fahrenheit 451 and all I can say is: "wow!" Who knew Ray Bradbury was such a brilliant author? It isn't very often that a passage literally takes my breath away, but this one did:

"As he stood there the sky over the house screamed. There was a tremendous ripping sound as if two giant hands had torn ten thousand miles of black lines down the seam."

Such a powerful image. I think I'm in love.